We may log on facebook,
instagram, or any social network that are filled with virtual friends. Some may
be real friends, whilst others may just be present for number. I can relate to
that. I do have very few friends that don't require both hands to count that I
talk online almost on a daily basis, and that are real. Due to our busy lives,
we find it hard to manage to find a suitable time to meet, so social networks,
chats and even text messaging proved to be very helpful in keeping contact.
Although this does take off
some of the toll, the experience of face to face communication is constantly
being missed. Some messages could be even taken in a double meaning whilst
chatting, proving that we may have taken a step backwards rather than forwards.
But in reality, despite
chatting and everything, many still feel lonely. I am one of these people. I do
feel left out in many aspects which resulted in me not having the best coping
mechanisms, and just like me, there are other people with the same experience.
Feelings of loneliness may
also be accompanied by feelings of emptiness, dullness and even sadness.
Speaking from primary experience, I can totally say that these feelings
combined together may leave you defeated to the point where you keep
withdrawing back and asking yourself whether you do actually matter - to anyone
really - family, friends ect...
I wanted to numb all these feelings;
hence I took more work than I could actually do. This meant extra lessons,
extra tuition, extra subjects. It left me with no energy, but at least I could
escape into my world of books, as they require no communication skills. Right?
Books have been my escape –
you would always find my face buried in one, whether I’m waiting for a doctor’s
appointment, for a contact hour at school, at the grocery whilst waiting in
line... I studied day and night. Did more extra work to the point that my own
teacher couldn't keep up with the corrections. In all honesty, I didn't mind at
all. What mattered to me was that I was pushing myself to the utmost limit;
that I was working hard and filling all my time, and blocking every thought
that hurt me. It worked for around 11 months, but now that I finished all my
exams, those feelings are resurfacing back up again. I've been trying to block
things by reading more books, reading various research, starting this blog, but
unfortunately, that empty feeling still lingers.
I don't use the word hate,
but I have to say that I do hate feeling like this, and at times I do hate
myself. It's probably a repercussion of all these feelings joined together.
In addition to all of this,
I'm sure that many teenagers and adults do have the same feelings and probably
think that they are alone, but I can assure you that you are not.
I have to take my own advice
here, but do try to let yourself be more open and accept that you are not meant
to be alone. I've been trying to convince myself that maybe that is my destiny,
being alone. In fact a very close friend of mine once told me that we should
choose kittens, because we might be cat ladies... But I don't want to be that,
so I'm trying to make some small constant changes towards a better future, and
I encourage all of you out there to never give up and always hope for the best.
Things may be and are hard
right now, but it will get better… Slowly... But it will. You just have to
persevere.
In conclusion, I would like
to get back to the question. What is your view? Is loneliness just a feeling or
a real thing?
I'd love to hear from you and
if you do want me to write about a particular topic, please e-mail me on
seramartina@hotmail.com
Till next entry - keep well :)
Sera :)
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