As a child, I was always so
keen on keeping track of everything and anything I was doing. That meant that I
even had to keep track of everything I did, experience or even owned, hence material things were always
placed and easily found. It was one thing that my parents always loved about
me. They used to come to me when they were to search their own things. I made
it a must to have this perfectionistic way of living, but this still made me
lose a very important thing.
Due to circumstances, I had
to grow up fast and care for my younger sister from a very early age of 6. I
always tried to be a grown up, and it worked. At that age, I wanted to be taken
seriously, especially as I had to be the responsible one, but today, looking
back, I realise that I did lose something very important. I lost my childhood.
It slipped right through my fingers and I don't know where the time went.
My loss was to various other
things besides having to take care of my younger sister. Primarily school. In
my previous blog entry I wrote about how I always felt lonely and the only
thing that helped were books. It is true, because that made me escape, and
block many things, but today, I wish I had those moments where I could actually
be a kid, where I could mess up a little and be okay with it.
When I was younger, I used to
await my birthdays dearly, until I was around 11/12 years old. There is where I
started dreading them. Although I was already responsible and able to take my
own decisions, growing older made it seem more real. It made me feel that I had
to always be more and more responsible in whatever I do, and the more birthdays
that come, the more scared I get, because it means that I do have to settle
someday. Career wise I've already set my mind to what I want to achieve, but in
other aspects of my life, things seem to be very hazy.
I would like a break or a
pause of this fast on going life. I would love to go back to that child like
state, and stay there. I would love to go back to the time where family was
more bonded together than today.
It's another thing that I
hated when I grew up. My family grew further apart when 4 people of the family
died. It took a toll on all of us, and I don't like it how things presently
are, but I guess that's the flow of things.
My younger sister and I
already made a pact to try our best in not growing apart. We're trying to
prepare ourselves the best way we could in accepting that in reality we are
growing up and we can do nothing to stop this process.
Kids today are living in a
lifestyle that is constantly on going. In my country especially, due to the
large competition in entering the only single university we own, kids are put
under extreme pressure to get the highest marks. Since 3 years of age, we start
kindergarten. In my time, we used to learn how to write, maths, sentence
formation, ect... and had exams since that time. Today things have changed a little and it's more of a
playschool. But once kids reach grade 3, they have to undergo a large
transition to adapt to the vast 6 syllabi of 6 different subjects in primary
school whilst in secondary school we have to take 11/12 subjects in total.
Exams here are tougher due to
this competition to divide students into those who are A from B or Pass from
Fail. These labels are assigned with few mark differences, which is not fair,
because it's making school tougher than it actually is and some kids are even
giving up and putting themselves down before even getting to secondary school.
Others on the other hand, just like me, may set up high standards for themselves,
and won't get a minute rest unless they achieve their goals. Both approaches
aren't the best, but the medial is even tougher to achieve.
Childhood is the best part of
life that I would like to get back, but to my disappointment, I will never have
it back.
In conclusion to this blog,
what is the most precious and important thing that you have lost in your life?
I would love to hear your views and thoughts about this topic.
Please comment and e-mail me
with your suggestions and anything that you would like to tell me or want me to
write about on
Till next time – Keep Well :)
Sera :)
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