It's been 3 days, and yet I'm still trying to find myself. I don't know if I can do it, or if I can keep up the motivation or even some courage, but I'm trying to move forward. Right now I can barely look in the mirror. I hate myself completely. Maybe this is a test to see how further I can take it, or maybe.. I don't know.. I truly don't know..
I'm rambling over here. But I feel so alone right now. I am tired of trying and yet I want to try again, only at times I feel this surge of courage and at some point, like now, I feel hopeless to the point of wanting to disappear from the face of this earth.
Will this pain ever end? Will it ever get better? Should I keep hoping? Should I even try? .. I need a sign, something, somewhere.. I.. Just don't know.. And I'm tired.. I feel that I want to sleep and never wake up ever again..
Every time I close my eyes to sleep I do forget a little, but once I wake up, reality hits all over again. I hate this.. I hate me.. I just want the pain to end...
Anyways... For now I'll be leaving a little the 30 day challenge. If I do feel a little better I'll try to post something..
Sera
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